Of course, being a film critic sounds like a fantastic job. But that’s because you guys don’t have to watch the 100+ movies that suck every year. From Sia to Gaga, here are the five worst films of 2021.
‘Music’
What is that Madonna text? “‘Music’ sets people off together”? Australian singer Sia’s unwatchable directorial debut (and presumably her latest bow) is offensive to people with autism, good taste, or both. Her main character, named Music (reliving this is incredibly painful), imagines her life as a series of hot pink music videos that you pray will end. Kate Hudson has shaved her head to play Music’s older sister, and Leslie Odom Jr. holds the little girl down hard to keep her from screaming. “I’m crushing you with my love!” he says. Critics, meanwhile, squashed “Music” with our reviews.
“House of Gucci”
If Lady Gaga gives another bogus interview about how her preparation to play Patrizia Reggiani – the ex-wife of fashion mogul Maurizio Gucci who paid to have him killed – caused her excruciating pain, I’ll throw my TV in the alley. The abyssal film is longer than his character’s lashes and was directed by Ridley Scott for being neither a field nor a true serious crime. Jared Leto’s acting is as Italian as a Tombstone pizza.
“Eternal”
Why call it “Avengers: Endless” or “Infinity Bore” when the film describes itself so perfectly: eternal. Angelina Jolie has an almost British accent as one of 10 forgettable Marvel heroes who can barely move their faces. It had Academy Award-winning director Chloé Zhao at the helm and a tempting premise: a centuries-old collective of super-beings protecting the Earth. But it turned out to be one of the worst MCU movies ever.
“Space Jam: a new legacy”
Space Jam 1996, starring Michael Jordan, was an event, but not a good movie. So, of course, they did a sequel 25 years later. Asking who is best in the lead role, Jordan or new star LeBron James, is a bit like saying “What’s more delicious: kale or spinach?” Yet James is noticeably worse in a role that asked him to simply be himself in front of a green screen for probably about a week. The film, with the Looney Tunes, is little more than product placement for Warner Bros.
“The reversal”
I should start calling them the Melissa McCarthy Awards. Never fails to make the cut! The formidably talented comedian has made another piece of roadkill, this time about a woman trying to reclaim her life and marriage after the death of her son. Nice idea, horrible execution. You almost admire the skill it takes to make a film that is so out of tune and poorly written.
